Goodbye, My Love.

Goodbye my love, I’ll send you off now
The memories and remembrances, i’ll forget them all
I’ll erase and erase and remove any mark of love
From my heart
8Eight - Goodbye My Love.
About music, i remember a quotes said that when you're happy you will enjoy the music, but when you're sad you will understand the lyrics. i tink i know how it feels.
i found this song in junior highschool for the first time, i really like this song since the video just too saaaddd just like a minidrama :'( but just like another songs, i forgot this song and start to like a new song, but i listen to this song over and over again start from yesterday, not because i enjoying this song, but i think i understand the lyrics now. feels like i really need to make a goodbye with someone i love.\
i've been a total fool to love this one person.
a boy, who change my world, who told me that he love me so much, more than anyone he ever love. he told me that he can never love someone else, he told me that i'm the prettiest girl he ever found in his life, the most perfect girl, and everything for him. and one thing he always said to me that he like me bc i just like his anime which come to his real world, he told me that im his cat. he told me that we could make a miracle with our love, we will forever till the end, he promised me that he will marry me, leave everything he has to be with me. he said he will do everything for me, he sang me a sweet songs.
and im just a fool who believe with everything he said and give him everything i have. i just a fool who can't realize the lies he makes.
every sweet words, promise, and everything he did to me. it's just the exact same word, promise, and act he did to his 2years ex-girlfriend.
he change her world, told her that he love her so much, more than anyone in this world. he told her that he can nver love someone else, he told her that she's the pretties girl he ever found, the most perfect girl, and everything for him. he told her that she is his kitty. he told her that their love could make a miracle , they will forever till the end, he promised her that he will marry her, leave everything he has to be with her. he said he will do everything for her, and he sang her a sweet songs.
but then, they broke up and he just leave, foget everything after they spent 2,5years together. is it that easy to forget someone you really love?
and now, he did it all to me, he sang me a song which he always sings for his ex before. he told me everything that he ever told his ex before. he did everything to me, which he has done to her ex before.
he just treat me in the exact same way with his ex. how can i wonder if this will has a different ending with his previous love story?
no, the ending will be totally the same. it's like you have a flower which you give a lot of water, too much water in one day and let it dry on another day, with full of hope that the flower will bloom beautifully, but the flower died, because you let it dry on several days. you feel down and failed, so you tried to buy a flower, again. and again, you give a lot of water to your new flower, too much water in one day and let it dry onn another day, you just treat it the same way you treat your old one. how can you expect that the flower will blooming? no it can never be bloom if you always treat that flower in the exact same thing right? the result will be the same, the new flower will died, again.
this is what makes me open my mind now, he treat me the exact same thing he treat his ex, so the end between he and i will be the same ending with he and his ex. so why should i believe him when i know in the end, he will just forget everything he told to me?
oneday, when we broke up, he will find another girl. just like he found me when he broke up with his ex. just like that.
i know it's hard. it is. i can't believe him anymore, like everything he said to me now it just feel like "meh :\" and everytime he tried to hug or kiss me, i just feel like....scared? eerrr idk what i feel but i just really dont want to kiss him or even hug. when he kiss me, i just imagine how he kissed his ex with that same way, and when he hug me, i know he hugged his ex with the same way too. and it just make really want to cry. i've tried so hard to hold my tears when he tried to kiss or hug me or whatever he did to me, it really means nothing for me now. i feel like there's really no true love again.
it is hard. i've been cried a lot, i cry, and cry again. trying to hold everything to reduce my feelings to him. i know one day, i will be totally fine and forget everything about him and start a new love. i know it will never kill me.
it pain me a lot, it leave a big scars in my heart which i know it won't be easy to heal. but i know, i need to say goodbye to him now. before everything being more painful later. i tried, even though i know i may be failed, but i really promised myself that i will never let him hurt me like what he did to his ex. so let's just begin the game. everything between me and him....not more than just a game now.
maybe i will treat him the same way i treat my ex. start from now on, he's not a special one anymore, he is just the same with those boys i've ever dated.
i thought that he was different so i treat him in a different way with what i did to my ex, since i want the different ending with him, since i really want to be with him forever. but now, everything just fading. my love must be gone. i must back to control this feeling and let just treat him like the other boy, since i know he too never treat me different from his other bitch.
maybe, maybe i love him too much so i scared a lot, but no. i dont want to be a fool or fall in the same mistakes. i know he treat me the exact way with he treat his ex, so there will be no a different ending. i know it's hard, but i want to try to say goodbye. to let him go, for real. even maybe i'll fail, i won't regret. it's better to keep him in my memories as the one i really love. yes, its better than being treat in an exact same way as his ex till the end of stories.
Goodbye, my Love. :)


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